Johnny Cursive's Wish List

I almost forgot--I have a blog! I shouldn't stop blogging. I've been very busy but I gotta document some stuff from the past couple of weeks so I have something to reread someday.

I got myself an iPad that hasn't left my hands at all. It's perfect for voracious readers. I may have spent around 20K on books the past two or three years but I could have just downloaded them off the internet. How I'll miss the smell of freshly cut paper from brand new novels. I love this gizmo and everything else about it -- the games, the apps, the coolness. I already ticked that off from the list. Next on my list will be an iPhone 4 but that's for next year. HD camera with flash and HD video and plenty of other good stuff in one device? I want. Pero putangina ang mahal. Next year nalang pag mas mura na.

I've been dancing the past few weeks too and it felt great. I like hiphop, tutting and pop and locking. I cannot spin on my head, but I could spin in triple pirouettes ending with a derriere attitude jump like how a man should do it. I credit that to a couple of years in martial arts and a mandatory dance training in high school. I'm heading back to the gym to gain back some of the weight I lost from all the cardio. I probably won't dance like that again until next year. Next item on the wish: a really cool dance gig.

Sidekick and I turned 1 year! It's been an amazing year for the two of us. And it doesn't even feel like we've been together for a year already. Seems like we've only been together for weeks. We have made each other much better individuals like what relationships should do. Next item on the wish: for it to just get better :-)

To Romeo's Planet and Back Again

It's been what, almost a year since I last traversed Planet Romeo. It started out at G4M -- I was playing DOTA in the internet shop a few blocks away from home when I noticed some dude browsing guys4men. After a few games trying to master Leviathan Tidehunter, I went straight home to check out the website. I was 3 years celibate at that time. My abstention ended a couple of days later.

Good enough for not just a weekend lay, but I'm not complaining if that's all I get.

-- status message from ye ol' profile from the olden times, circa 2009

Cursive's Old Profile
(and it had to be cocky as fuck, of course)

I prefer being serious with someone I really, really like. And since I do not have that right now, I am all about having fun in the interim by absence of choice. I found that it's fairly easy for me to get laid (If you're impeccably straight-acting, and if you've got a brain, a fit body, a nice face and an ample cock, you wouldn't find getting laid very difficult). With the right person I could easily fall back to my serial monogamous default. But I won't settle for anything less than what I deserve even if it takes me a long time. Nobody ever should =)


Now I do hope to meet smart guys who take good care of themselves in a non-obvious kind of way. I am a straight-living guy so I am cautious not to date guys who are out and aren't discreet.


If I had a choice, I wouldn't be gay. But we can choose what kind of gay guy we'd be and I choose to live as a secretly homosexual masculine guy. I enjoy most of what my straight buddies enjoy, and I also don't understand women very much either. I think like a straight guy minus the appetite for cunt. Respetuhan nalang mga chong.


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Unnecessary facts (boring or otherwise)
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Appearance:
Semikal Moreno, square jaw, masculine, good set of teeth, relatively fit and occasionally wears glasses to take a break from contact lenses.


Sporty Side:
Trained in martial arts for a few years (Jeet Kune Do, Capoeira, Tae Kwon Do) and generally athletic. I miss fighting though. I am now working out to hopefully one day look really really good naked. HAHA. I obsessed with NBA in the 90’s. I had a collection of hundreds of David Robinson cards. He was my idol because he led the Spurs whilst being ridiculously good in math, which I suck at. Up to now I’m still keeping my Grant Hill co-rookie of the year card although I felt bad that he beat Jason Kidd to the title. Anfernee + Shaq, Pippen + Jordan. Malone + Stockton. Sigh. Those were the days.


Geeky Side:
Collected Marvel Cards and X-men comic books as a kid. Reads grown-up fantasy books. Overcame an addiction to Diablo (I dread the arrival of Diablo 3) and DOTA (Kael the invoker FTW!), traded and played Magic: The Gathering. I definitely have a healthy geeky side.


Artistic Side:
Draws and paints really well with a few awards under my belt as an adolescent, had a short but successful graphic design gig, some background in music (played in a band), some dance training (classical and hip-hop).


Miscellaneous superfluous information:
I was fortunate enough to have been able to study in some of the best schools from Kinder until College. I had a traditional and conservative Catholic upbringing. I could carry myself well either in a finer cosmopolitan setting or on the sidewalk, crouching and humbly drinking beer sa kanto hanggang sa mapagsabihan na ng tanod pag masyado nang maingay. LOL.

G4M is where I met my good friend K. We are now each other's fag hags. He showed me what Malate was like, and I would't go inside the bars unless I was wearing some sort of baseball cap or a jacket's hood. I felt like Aragorn the rogue -- surveying, calculating and observing a foreign land that's also supposedly my natural habitat.

The G4M forums are where I leaned about Wensha. Then I'd go there to get a massage, eat buffet, read a book and occassionally meet boys. I met an Enkanto there--through a steamroom dance that involved glancing and looking away, catching each other's glances, a smile, and a beer offer. He introduced me to his other enkanto friends a few weeks later. I didn't know they were bloggers. Wensha Enkanto eventually introduced me to a cool guy who's now my sidekick:

I prefer being serious with someone I really, really like...With the right person I could easily fall back to my serial monogamous default. But I won't settle for anything less than what I deserve even if it takes me a long time. Nobody ever should.

PlanetRomeo is first and foremost a hook-up site. But so much good can come out of it and such as it was for me, although I never use it anymore and I don't ever want a renewed need to do so. I don't need to hook up and I now have a healthy number of faerie friends who keep me sane and grounded. I now look back with nothing but fond memories and a genuine appreciation that I belong to the internet generation.

One packed weekend: Zara crazara, Enkantos and Angelina Jolie

Friday: 

My friend K told me that Zara was on a crazy sale where the jackets were 1.6k, the trousers were 895 and some nice stuff at less than 500 bucks. I left work early so i can get some dibs on what's left on the racks. It was just like buying stuff from Bench and in all good timing -- I was poised to purchase trousers for work anyway. That's because I got a hosting gig in a couple of weeks. Also, I'm stymied by at least 7 slacks that I couldn't wear anymore, thanks to an inch of gut that came out of nowhere. Wearing them felt like fitting my waist into a closed pistachio. For the amount I'd pay for a regular-priced jacket, I walked away with 3 pairs of trousers for work, a suit jacket (that went down to 1.6K from 9K) and an excellent LBBD -- the little black button down shirt that every dude needs. All the while I was careful about making sure I got stuff that still made me look like a straight guy. First question I asked K and sidekick whenever I checked something out was, "Mukha ba kong bakla pag suot ko to?" I just needed clothes that fit well, sans the frill. Meanwhile, K was checking out cute customers and asking me, "Bakla rin kaya yun? Ang kyot pota!"

After sidekick left us so I can take a work call in the mall while he went home to rest, I hung out with K so I can wing for him in his EB with what he called a cute yuppie who turned out to be a twink that wasn't his type. All I needed to do was be there looking pissed to help him escape. Last week I almost winged for his meetup with a pair of guys who post-coitusly revealed themselves to him as:

K: "Homaygad d 2 guys I slpt with? They told me theyr cousins! And they fcked each othr! What the hell!"
Me: "Fumefetish ka nanaman ah."
K: "I know, right? Sana man lang sinabi nila sakin bago kami nagseks para mas effective! Mga bruhang yon."

Saturday:

I hung out with sidekick in the morning and went to Divisoria. He finds Manila very charming and his adjective for it is "organic." Ternie translates that as messy and dirty, that sweetheart. We bought a few yards so he can have a few shirts tailored. I was hoping to find a good purchase but I didn't find any. I got rhinitis instead. However, I'm glad that sidekick got some really cool fabric; I'm waiting for his finished product before I dive into bespoking too.

Later in the evening, we went drinking and singing in Music21 with the enkantos. There was no shortage of beer, laughter and landi. I brought K and he was having fun with the rest. Dami may crush sa kanya dun kaya everybody happy. Sidekick and I felt free to hug and kiss the entire night which I'm sure annoyed the hell out of everyone at some point.

Sunday:

We rushed to meet K in Trinoma to watch Salt; he paid for the movie after ditching a movie night with us for a dude a few weeks ago. He slept the entire film though -- first is because he's seen it, and 2nd is because he's tired and came from a cock. Angelina was amazing. Sidekick says the movie is formulaic of Jolie films --with a heroine who beats up guys thrice her size while carrying a soft spot, and then concludes with a good twist in the end. I thought she was rad. I think I said "damn, girl" around 4 times during the film.

The movie was followed by a nice dinner with Jan and Ternie at the Technohub in Commonwealth. The service was crappy but Kanin Club Retaurant had yummy food. By this time I've been coughing and sniffling but I wasn't going to let that ruin the evening; it was great catching up with Jan whom I haven't seen in ages. Terni, as always, was a darling busilak and mayumi. And sidekick's always great to have around. We've been together 9 months and it's only been getting better each day.

Johnny's Favorite Angle

Is the profile. Otherwise known as the person's side view.

One of my pencil sketches from several weeks ago. Nope, this isn't my sidekick. He'd kill me if I drew him and posted it here.

I am enamored by profile angles especially my sidekick's. It is what I see when I look at him from the passenger seat (link: can't drive, sorry) right before he looks back with a smile. It's what I see when I glance at him when we're watching a film. I trace the air around it with my fingers while he sleeps.

It tells me he's near, he's right beside me, and we're headed towards the same direction.

I apologize for the mush. I hate eliciting non-fellatio related gag reflexes.

Johnny Cursive and Sidekick catch the Colds

My sidekick and yours truly caught the Colds recently.  Maybe it's somatic lovesickness? Nah. I'd blame it on stress and December weather. We should both stop the smoking and increase the hours of sleep. I'm already getting 8 hours and apparently it's not enough. Must increase vitamin intake -- C, B-vitamins and maybe a bit more vitamin J. We need kisspirin and yakapsul. And increase the time spent together to huddle-cuddle for warmth. Our time spent together is at a healthy level but I seem to can't get enough. Mush much.
   

Papa Cyclops braves the snowstorm. Drawn in December 2000

Johnny Cursive has an empty Wishlist

I am in front of my office PC right now thinking of what to put in the 2 separate excel wish list spreadsheets in our shared drive: one file for my staff’s gift exchange and one file for my boss and colleagues. I’ve been thinking for a couple of hours now and I haven’t really put anything in them.

My wish list last year included an Asos jacket, a metal Skullcandy mic & earphone set for the Iphone and a couple of jazz-era oxford dress shoes for work. It included photographs, product codes, exact price and where to buy.


Those aren’t in my wish list for this year anymore. I can’t seem to find anything to put in my new wish list. I’d hate to be corny but being a freshly-partnered dude, my mundane wishes have taken a backseat. I’m already getting more than what I’ve wished for.


I apologize if my entry has stimulated any sort of gag reflex. I’ve had the history of eliciting gag reflexes from boys but usually not from my writing.

Literary Precum

This is word vomit. I’ve chosen a more prosaic existence after being bohemian for the longest time, hence the loquacity leaking out of my ears and gibberish under my eyelids trying to get the hell out. I don’t blame them; my mind can be a really strange place sometimes.

I’m no stranger to blogging but I am a stranger to getting organized. I’ve probably started around 3 or 4 blogs to document my piss of consciousness. And I forget where I piss sometimes. However, I vividly remember pissing on the poor tree in the middle of the Ateneo quadrangle one college evening but I digress. Some stuff I wrote are probably in some dusty online corner while the others I actually wrote in the lost art of cursive. Here’s a new blog to document my new shiznit in this new chapter of my life.

I am just a 25 year-old dude with a few things to say.

***

I’ve been working on being the one for some guy instead of wasting my time consciously working on finding the one. To see yourself as “single and looking” is an excellent reminder of your own perceived void that needs filling. Although there’s nothing terribly wrong with taking control and heading out to the haystack with a magnifying glass, the resulting strain and frustration is not something I would enjoy very much. So I thought to myself how nifty it would be to work on becoming some person’s the one. In this needle-in-the-haystack metaphor, I ditched my magnifying glass and began work on being the shiniest needle I could become.

The realization came about after I have ended my first relationship. I was 19, overwhelmed, suffocated and confused. The aftermath of the tumultuous combination of a relationship I walked away from, school, freelance work, band gigs and family stress left me all hollowed out. My self-esteem needed to be dug out from a pile of crap. So deep into shit, exhuming it took more than three years.

That was equal to three years of celibacy. No fornicating, no kissing, no dating, no boys. Not even the liberating company of the gay kin, only the dire straights. I relearned the uncomplicated pleasure of the company of friends and my own self. There’s a gazillion sources of happiness out there and I’m thankful to have had the time to stop and smell the roses, although that did not erase the fact that I had also fettered myself from any romantic or even sexual possibility. After 3 years, just as I was turning 24, I decided to start taking care of myself more and paid more attention to how I looked. I found myself a couple of online friends to show me the dynamics of being a 20-something gay guy. In the process I found out my own market value and where I was to be taking my wares.

My very own gay brand identity (“gay brand identity” deserves its very own dedicated write-up) was a straight-living homo-nouveau. I was just learning how to be gay after years of hiatus; I knew that this fact could potentially be charming and I banked on that too. I was aware that I was a fit, straight-acting, nice-looking, rugged and smart guy. I had my vanity but I was very careful not to be conspicuous about it. This brand identity served me well for the next couple of years. It was a hedonistic couple of years if I may add—a slew of hookups, dating, courtships, threesomes, boys, boys, boys.

I had a lot of fun and affirmation. With my growth at work, reconnection with my friends (the bunch of them straight), improvement on my home life and a thriving (but safe) sex life, I built up my self-esteem and created a healthy positive attitude. As I was slowing down into my sexual denouement and going back to my serial monogamous default, the universe has conspired to bring me to my loving partner in perfect timing.

I now have more reasons to just keep growing. This time it’s gonna be with someone I love.

I am Johnny Cursive and this is my new leaf.