No girls

Today I decided I'll add a few words to my blog. I suspect I'll end up editing a lot; it's difficult enough to write an entry using a smartphone let alone have a semblance of coherence in a stream of consciousness type of writing.

***

Apparently I have smitten some girls at the office, according to witnesses who stayed and heard some elevator gossip after I went down the 10th floor. I don't know if it's my necktie, my feeble wispy attempts at a mustache or the irresistable musk of closet homosexuality. That always seems to attract the wrong gender. Nonetheless, it kinda felt good. I have spent an extra 10 minutes prepping for Monday workday after all. And I'm still glowingly hung over from my boyfriend's 10-day visit; he's already returned to Singapore last night. 

No, ladies. I will not eat cunt. It will never happen. I will, however, help you shape your eyebrows, Lily Collins style. 

Bloodthirsty Gay Hero (and Gay Medieval Sex)

I have been reading "The Steel Remains" every night before bedtime. It is another sword and sorcery fantasy with the requisite swashbuckling heroes and heroines that I love so much. It is written with the grit and realism of Joe Abercrombie and George R Martin albeit the storyline is slightly watered down to an entertaining but less epic concoction. I love, however, that one of the heroes is gay. This fact lends itself to the socio-political nuances in a world where dragons and reptilian men existed and slavery is an economic driver. A lot of the reviews would praise the book but thought that all the graphic homosexual gratuity was unecessary in pushing the story. It did push the envelope, for sure.

I don't mind at all! Talk about a protagonist you can relate to. He wields a powerful sword, trained in open palm combat, snide, cocky, ruthless and troubled. He of course likes cock:

"IF THE DAMP AIR WAS CHILLY, HE DIDN’T NOTICE AS HIS CLOTHES CAME off, as the dwenda’s heated kisses bit their way down his neck and over his exposed chest, as impatient hands tugged down his breeches over boot tops, tore undergarments down to match, as the dwenda knelt and plunged the head of Ringil’s cock into his mouth.

He gasped and flexed at the sudden heat of it, and then as the friction of teeth and tongue set in, he grabbed at the dwenda’s shoulders, sank his fingers into its hair and twisted. A long moan forced its way up out of him, counterpointed by the small grunting noises the dwenda made as it pumped its lips up and down. A cool hand weighed his balls in their sack, and then one long finger split off from the grip and angled up into the whorl of his anus. From somewhere, the dwenda had conjured the slick wetness of spit or something like it onto the fingertip and Ringil felt himself opened and gently impaled with a sly controlling competence that made his heart turn over."

All the gay sex in the story was probably unecessarily plentiful and graphic. This is why I want to express a big thanks to the author for the lovely bonus. The book is well-written and exciting--I recommend it to all gay men who still like some blood, adventure and swashbuckling goodness.

Shoe Porn

I occasionally check out Esquire's shoe porn section here. I don't jack off to it but sometimes I get orgasm-like sensations. If it's really amazing, my crotch just might tingle.

---

It's only been two days since I last wrote that I'm only limiting myself to one shoe purchase per quarter. Then I did the math (which is something I'm not entirely good at), and found that it is four (4) pairs a year. It dawned on me that my feet will starve. And I will probably regret that last statement because there's a million starving people and I'm sorry for being insensitive.

I bought a pair of shoes today and I almost bought two. The limit is 4 for the year. And it's not even half of January yet. This goal is getting less realistic each day (but there is still hope). I was walking through the Adidas Originals store at Trinoma this afternoon when these crocodile leather sneakers hollered at me:

Some innocent reptile went to heaven for these.

I just had to. It will give me a year of good luck. Yes. I think it will. After all, it is the year of the dragon and the crocodile is its closest living relative. Just ask my neighbor's 2 year-old kid --earlier today I was told that he saw my wooden crocodile paperweight and called it a dragon.

Later this evening before grabbing tickets to Sherlock Holmes, I saw these calfskin Cole Haan brogue chukkas with concealed Nike Air technology. It feels like wearing sneakers. They're at 60% off and with only 1 pair left which happens to be in my size--complete with the extra half inch.

If I wasn't running late for the movie I might have bought it. I asked the staff to give me a 24-hour reservation so I can sleep on it. In a few hours, I will find out if I'll be rocking them to the office soon. That's if the force is strong enough. Tik tok. Tik tok.


---

My brother told me recently that he was able to find some limited edition Kobe Nike Zooms at the Cebu outlet store and he almost lost his mind. He's the sportier (straight) sibling but just as shoe-crazy. Seriously, he won't mind that his shirt is faded and the kili-kili is butas if he's wearing his 8k sneakers with it.

The Rapture of My Overgrown Clitoris

It has been a while since I got something written down for my little blog. I don't know if anyone would get to read this anymore but I owe it to myself to have paragraphs for posterity--like a photo album of words that I could flip through, just like that new Facebook timeline but with blog entries. I blame my new phone--it has a nice camera so I took myself to just taking photos instead of writing. Or it's just laziness.

---

Which brings me to my first entry for 2012, the first of many until the world ends in 11 months. There's nothing wrong with believing the impending rapture and doing a little carping of the diem. There's a lot of opportunities to seize everyday but one thing that gets overlooked is the opportunity to change, so I'm blogging a couple of things that I would like to improve. I'm writing it down hoping that it doesn't just stay as a flickering reminder in my flaky consciousness. So that with some arcane power of the universe it will manifest. Or serve as a contract with myself.

This year, I will try my best to limit my shoe buying to a maximum of one pair every 3 months. It's a genetic weakness. My mom has heaps of wedges and stilettos, my brother is willing to shell out a premium for some rare Jordans that he would only wear a couple of times, and I have stopped counting when I got to thirty pairs. My sidekick's argument against shoe hoarding is that I only got two feet. My argument is that there's 365 days a year. Nobody's going to win that debate. Now I wanna tell myself that where I'm going is more important than the shoe I'm walking in. Unless it's walking towards the shoe store and there my goes my modicum of resolve. It is fucking going to be a challenge.

I will try my best not to be late for work. I really don't know what's wrong with me. Technically, my shift starts at 1030AM so I get to work at 11. When my shift used to start at 930AM, I would arrive at 10. It doesn't make sense but changing is a bitch. My brain needs a little rewiring.

I need to stop jacking off to lesbian porn. I'm kidding; it is gross.

One thing I won't be changing about myself is my penis. I like the way it is right now. I got mad respect for my sisters who get theirs chopped off. I will never be able to live without mine. I just think of junior as an overgrown clitoris that I can pee with. I don't want to be separated from my clitoris.

And I'll try to blog some more. I like how it loosens the little knots in my brain like a mental massage. I've almost forgotten the quiet enjoyment of not only being alone with your thoughts but also having a personal dialogue that can sometimes be surprisingly enlightening.

Derek Ramsey's used jeans are up for auction

I have been on a hiatus from this blog for a while. I've been tremendously busy the past couple of months for a few reasons:

• I volunteered to transfer to a different department in the same position while being interviewed for promotions which I haven't gotten yet.
• I've just started an online store selling protein shakes and made a website too. Boy does that take a while to get off the ground.
• I've been spending a lot more time with my HS friends which is always a good thing.
• And a host of other things.

 ***

Since I've began online store, I've been on Ebay quite a lot and found that Derek Ramsey's used jeans are for auction, among other celebrity items, for charity. I'm sure those jeans have been washed already, for those who might be a little stalker-ish. I'm not a big fan of the dude, but like Jude Law, I am his twin who is less attractive less famous. Charot lang!

As of 12:53PM today the highest bid is 800 bucks. Bidding ends in 4 days. Oxygen ain't my style but it is for a good cause. Link to the auction here.

They are also selling Manny Pacquio's autographed used boxing robe (highest bid as of this time is around 5k pesos), but I'm not sure how that will sell to the baklitas. I definitely wish that Manny's robe has been washed and boiled before it was auctioned. But if Derek's jeans haven't been washed, they might fetch a higher price, lolz.

Johnny Parties With Clueless Little Bitches

I went to my friend Paula's birthday last friday at her fab house in Wack Wack. Aside from being friends with her, I make it a point to be at the party because the food is always excellent (they own a chain of restos) and the booze is fantastic (she owns a mobile bar too). She turned 24 and the guests were 21 to 26 year-olds. I felt like I was the only 26 year old there. I was a dinosaur in a sea of college fresh graduates--clueless little bitches.

It was so much fun to watch pretty and insecure little Povedans strut their stuff around and "make agaw your rainbow shots" or "make kwento about my stupid ate who made kuha my Chanel purse" while their eyes dart around the room for cute boys or which girl wore a shorter skirt. And how super unecessary it was for a little cunt to pretend talking on her cellphone while waiting in line behind us for the CR. Bitch I could see your iphone app icons while you're pretend-talking on the phone.

I think inggit lang ako because she had a naive youthfulness, an Iphone 4, and a real live vajayjay.

My favorite clueless bitch of the party was actually a guy. My old friends and new-found friends were all very friendly at the table and around the circular mobile bar, talking about how rad the LSGH homecoming party was, how 2 of the guys on the table are not your typical Xavierians, how there were so many lesbos in St Paul Pasig, etcetera -- all very straight, high school nostalgia conversations. Until one Kundirana boy had found his hand a little low on my back, and then Vic's hip, and then Adren's rib. Hindi ata nakatiis sa dami ng boys around him. He's also offered na sabay na raw kami umihi para hindi masyado mahaba pila. Failing that, he extended his offer of collaborative urination to my friend Adren. And we all thought Kundirana boy was just an average weed-smoking tarantadong Lasalista.

After a couple of hours I asked his kabarkada to muzzle him because he was clearly embarrassing himself. Sayang kasi may itsura siya. He was so clueless. My friends were calling him creepy, and my best friend Martha gave me a concerned look when he found Kundirana's hand on her boyfriend's knee. But of course, I can't help but sympathize. I wish this guy had a faerie godmother to scold his ass that this wasn't the place you act dumb because it's a friggin straight people party. I wanted to tell him that there's a place called Bed or Obar or Sodom and Gomorrah where his antics would have been a little more acceptable.

I think I saw myself in Kundirana boy. That person could've been me, had I been so repressed and without friends who understood. He gave me and my friends a funny anecdote that we'd all talk about for years. Still, my heart goes out to the kid; I could only hope that he's learned the ways of faerieland by the time we all meet again at Paula's birthday party next year.

Currently on my Bedside Table

I'm almost done with Passage to Dawn, the 10th and book of the Legend of Drizzt and I almost got sad that I'm about to leave this world that I escape into every night. I thought this was the last book of the series, but then I researched online and it turns out there's at least another 10 more books on Drizzt that I could devour. It made me a very happy geek.

Drizzt is a dark elf and he's my idol. Also, I'm crushing on his friend Wulfgar:

He's the sexiest barbarian in the world. Scandinavian swashbuckling beauty; he reminds me of Pavel Novotny.

It's the 10th book I've read on my iPad and reading from the device has been a pleasure -- I don't need to find the best lighting, I could take my library anywhere, I don't have to worry about lost bookmarks, and I honestly found that I've been reading more than I used to. But like I always say, nothing beats the smell of ink and freshly cut paper. I can definitely see myself purchasing the actual books eventually for posterity. A person's bookshelf can say a lot about a person, and I would like to have a bookshelf with items I've read. Pity if most I've read are softcopies downloaded from torrent for free.


I'm wondering if I should take a break from his world and try reading a different one. I could read Anansi Boys. I could also wait for the release of The Wise Man's Fear in March which I've been waiting for since 2008:

I could take a break from reading downloaded material and grab a hardbound copy of Patrick Rothfuss' second novel. Some books are worth the purchase. I called Fully Booked today and they confirmed that they've already placed orders on the book. I should be able to get a copy next month. My sidekick gave me a Fully Booked gift card last Christmas and I'll definitely use it on this book. I am super excited. None of my friends (except for my lady friend who's also into these books) could relate to my excitement. But that's fine; true luxury happens when something of quality is enjoyed personally and not overtly--like the silken lining of a fine suit, a private island, or a good book.

Ugly Duckling

I've started a new workout program last week and I can't wait to see how everything turns out after a couple of months. After I had a 2-month hiatus from the gym in November and December, I lost about 12 pounds. For some, that's a good thing; for myself and many others, it ain't cool. I'm one of those guys who lose weight when they stop lifting and 12 pounds of mass lost is a big deal.

I've always been the among the skinniest in the batch, growing up. And we're no small batch -- more than 400 students per grade level. I only started getting meat on my bones in college, and it was a struggle. I wouldn't stop eating until I gagged. If I had boobs and ovaries I'd probably be fine being a skinny bitch, but as a guy, being skinny can be emasculating. I'm a faerie but I still like being a dude. And coincidentally, when I was at my skinniest, I was also at the darkest times of my life. My family and everything else was a mess. So of course seeing myself lose weight exhumes some of the shit and I've associated weight loss with that phase. I was 5'9 130lbs and stick thin with a square jaw so I looked like Skeletor. That's why now I like being within what I call my "happy weight", which is above 160lbs. When I hit 155lbs 2 weeks ago, I resolved to gain back the weight before it goes out of control again.

I drew how I saw myself a long time ago. Baklitang payatot.
Syempre kelangan may dede :-P

I found a great program specifically for my body type and it has to be the easiest program I've done. It's 3 times a week, 45 minutes max per session, and already I've gained 5lbs in less than 2 weeks. I'll strive to be consistent and I hope to surprise myself in 8 weeks. Wow rereading this paragraph makes me feel like such a shallow asshole but I'm a generally nice guy so I cut myself some slack.

That's my ugly duckling syndrome right there. When I was 15 and in my barong, someone mistook me for my mom's 27 year-old secretary's husband. Even my mom said, "matulog ka na ampanget mo na" when Diablo II kept me up late. My good friends snickered across the room about a new haircut and said I looked like a pasyente. Those were enough to bury my self-esteem and fossilize it. I keep this fossil as a paperweight on my desk where I can see it everyday.

Everybody feels bad about themselves from time to time; some people whine about it, some people make money out of it. Some people project their insecurities and start hating on others as much as they truly hate themselves. Some people acknowledge it and work on it. I am definitely a work in progress.



Ayoko maging swan. Gusto ko maging Pink Flamingo balang araw. Chika lang



Life's Question #3: Double Streaming Piss

It used to be one of my questions, this double streaming piss. A friend of mine verbalized it in Facebook today though, and I was nothing short of amused at the little discussion. Transcript below:



Robi's status:
Why is it when guys piss, sometimes it's two streams?

Juan Carlos: HAHAHAHA
12 hours ago · Like

Mark: Thats called a shot gun....double barrel...lol
12 hours ago · Like

Christian: dude, what kinda of a question is that? :)
12 hours ago · Like

Robi: Dude, shotgun spray is so not what it should do. I hate it when the streams are so far apart that you end up urinating on both sides of the toilet seat. Annoying! I mean what is a penis for if you can't aim properly damnit!
12 hours ago · Like

Ike: Small observation, American men seem to lift the toilet seat up to piss more than Pinoys. I'm I wrong, and if so, why is that?
12 hours ago · Like

Christian: what it is for? primarily to shag, then to piss.
12 hours ago · Like

Robi: ‎@Christian: Haven't you ever wondered? It's like one of the great mysteries of life.
12 hours ago · Like

Christian: ike: cuz we dont care about the next person even if he has to sit on it. :)
12 hours ago · Like

John Joe: after sex pee. Watch "Me, Myself & Irene" morning after scene
12 hours ago · Like

Robi: ‎@JJ: haha I remember that scene. Thing is It's not just after sex, it happens randomly. WHY?!!!
12 hours ago · Like

Robi: ‎@Ike: haha I do lift the seat up always and it's all because of the double streaming.
12 hours ago · Like

Ike: Robi, to answer your question, during urination two streams of urine may be obvious — one coming from the urethral opening and the other from the site of the abnormal opening (fistula).
12 hours ago · Like

Christian: double-streamer! why do one if you can do 2? right?! :)
12 hours ago · Like

Robi: Someone should make a wide toilet bowl for double-streamers.
12 hours ago · Like

Christian: ‎"double-streaming-toilet, with auto-cover-lifting-button or sensor"
12 hours ago · Like

Robi: No wait, I have a better more economical idea! A pissing funnel!
12 hours ago · Like ·  1 person

Christian: ‎... and "butt-hole bio-metrics" for easy auto-user-setting-customization"
12 hours ago · Like ·  1 person

Robi: Patent it! We'll make millions!
12 hours ago · Like

Robi: ‎@Ike: Thanks for the explanation, now I can go to sleep at night and will not suffer the fear and anticipation of double-streaming whenever I take a leak.
12 hours ago · Like

Ike: Peeing should be easy, if its painful or if you feel blockage you may have a UTI or kidney stones. Not fun.
11 hours ago · Like

Robi: I want to patent urine accessories like the Pissing Funnel (for double-streamers), a Pissing Scope (that you attach to your pecker for better aim), and a Pissilencer (still working on this idea)
11 hours ago · Like ·  3 people

Robi: ‎@Ike: thankfully no pain, just remorse when things get messy.
11 hours ago · Like

Natasha: Robi, You crack me up!!! When are you coming to visit?
11 hours ago · Like

Marlo: Time to get a haircut?
10 hours ago · Like

Gino: please come to market already with these products! it's about time! another similar problem: peeing with a hard-on, and what's worse, double-streaming with a hard-on
10 hours ago · Like ·  1 person

Franco: Oh my god, Rob and Chris, I can't believe you don't know the answer to this question. Really? Really?
10 hours ago · Like

Franco: There you go... JJ got it.
10 hours ago · Like

Robi: ‎@Franco: Dude, it happens more often than the morning after sex. One time, I had 3 streams. Messed up, right? I mean, maybe I have a mutant penis or something.
9 hours ago · Like

Franco: ‎3 streams?? Holy fuck, that's one wide penis hole! Your penis hole might actually be the size of an infant's vagina.
9 hours ago · Like

Tim: The trick is make your little soldier your puppet before going and make it say AAAAHHH nice and wide before you pee. Barring that, you might have a little gallstone lodged at the tip.
9 hours ago · Like

Johnny: Yep one of my life's questions too. I think u forgot to clean up el jizzo again lol
9 hours ago · Like

Robi: ‎@Timito: haha Or maybe it's just dried up jizz that causes it to spray like that. Who knows? Kinda reminds me of those upgrades you get in those 16-bit shoot-em-up games from the 90s. Mom, I hope you're not reading this.
9 hours ago · Like

Robi: ‎@Johnny: Green minds think alike!
9 hours ago · Like

Tim: It's exactly that, rob! but you said it happens more often than after sex, which either means you don't wash up and keep your snake jizzed up all day, or you have a problem. ;P
9 hours ago · Like

Robi: ‎@Franco: Thanks for the image man. It's been seared into my mind forever.
9 hours ago · Like

Robi: If word starts to spread that I have a mutant penis, that's fine by me. Just don't give details. "Mutant Penis" should be enough information.
9 hours ago · Like

Robi: ‎@Timito: I practice good hygiene kaya! Nababara lang siguro minsan.
9 hours ago · Like

Winner: coz there's a pube stuck in the eye of the penis
8 hours ago · Like

Robi: ‎@Winner: It's like somebody's placing a small, invisible finger at the opening in a "sssh" manner so that when you urinate, it separates into 2 streams or as I affectionately call the phenomenon, "The Victoria Court Logo Effect".

Johnny Cursive =/= Jude Law

Back in college, my pretty classmate from social anthropology approached me and told me that I looked like Jude Law. Say what? Shut up bitch I don't fuck the yaya. A couple of years later, when I was on my first job, my flirty gay officemate told me that I looked like Jude Law too. Fast forward two years to a couple of hours ago and one of the staff told me to continue growing my hair out so I could look like Jude Law. I think the moon shines brightly enough every two years to make the minority think that I could remotely resemble Mr. Law. I told a friend of mine what those few people said and I got a laugh and accidental spittle on my face; I know, right?! I’m not sure how I should take it – I mean, come on – Jude Law is a highly successful Hollywood actor and that can only mean that I am his barely there nice try third world panget version a worse actor.

I remember Pokwang saying in an interview some time ago that an American mistook her for Lucy Liu. Pokwang is Pinay and Lucy Liu is a Hollywood actress. Jude Law is a Hollywood actor. Under these guiding principles of analogy, ako si Pokwang with a functioning dick.

Introducing Sebastian: Johnny gets his Pussy

Let me introduce my new baby: Sebastian Petrovsky. My mom finds the name a mouthful so she calls him Chivas. Sidekick calls him Bingles. Kitty thankfully doesn't get all too confused with all his names.



It's my sweetest little monster. Lilac lynx-point himalayan kitty @ 3 months old



It's about time; I've been trying to get one since March 2010. I couldn't though, because I was then set to go on a month-long Irish trip, then after that my dachshund got impregnated by my neighbor's schnauzer and a new puppy meant that there wasn't any room for a cat anymore.



I love animals. Ako na. Ako na si Tarzan. Ako na si Jane.

Mga Sampung beses ko rin napagparausan to nung

bagets pa ko.

But in our province, on the day before New Year, my mom killed my puppy by accident. She forgot that the little thing just had his shots and musn't be bathed for a week. She asked someone to give puppy a shower to take the stink out and it spelled death for the little one. Devastated, I headed back to Manila to spend New Year's day with sidekick instead.

My mom got guilty but I didn't blame her. She gave me the go-signal to get a cat, especially after a little mouse freaked her out the week before (Actually ako ata ung na-freak out, kaderder naman kasi). I spent a week looking for the right kitty and my sidekick helped drive me around manila to get the feline and his supplies.

My good friend K saw a picture and Sebastian at nainggit sya, bibilihin na raw nya ung kapatid nung pusa. Ewan ko, feeling ko felines just have a natural affinity to faeries.

How I Know I'm Gay #3: Church Edition

I wasn't trying to be blasphemous or anything. I'm a pretty good practicing Catholic for a 26 year-old faerie. But yesterday when I went to church alone, while I wasn't fully focused on the mass, I absent-mindedly mumbled the prayers: "Panginoon, hindi ako karapat-dapat na magpatuloy sa iyo...ngunit sa isang salita mo lamang ay gagaling na aketch." Halos tumambling ako sa kinaluluhuran ko ampotahh.

My next prayer was me wishing that I didn't pray that loud enough. My faggotry just got confirmed in Church.

Taxi Princesses

Natuwa naman ako sa dashboard ni manong driver andaming prinsesa

On My Bedside Table

I am currently reading the Drizzt Do'Urden saga. Idol ko na talaga si Drizzt.

I've just started on book 4 of the 10-episode series, which is also the first book of the Icewind Dale trilogy. This title has been around for a while now and I know it's a classic. It's RA Salvatore's best work. It's also the first time I'm using the iPad for literary consumption and I am loving it. Sure, I don't get to physically flip through the pages, feel the texture of the pages or smell the ink, but I'm able to read clearly at any angle I choose, anywhere I choose. And it's easy to download books online for free. Pucha sa series palang, at 400 pesos per book, I've already saved 4 thousand pesos. By the third quarter of 2011 my savings on books will have helped the gadget pay for itself.

Tapos madali pa magbitbit ng porno kahit saan lolz.

Sobrang dork ko na talaga sa mga ganitong libro. Next halloween I'll make sure to pick up the navy blue body paint and dress up as a drow elf. Ang sexy siguro nun.

My Little Bisayang Baklita -- The Other Baby Gaga

Oh young Jedi, you are. And the force is strong in you as in grabehhh!

My cute 4 year-old cousin from Mindanao is a baklita. Lady Gaga on the radio got him to dance like a Pussycat Doll. I know a good dancer when I see one and this little baklita could dance. Fuckballs he's already learned the nuances of making sure his toes are pointed, his knees are locked, butt out and shoulders relaxed. In his mom's motherfucking heels. Nalokah kami ng ermats ko. Putangina tumutuwad pa talaga. At mermaid daw sya nung pumunta kami sa beach. Anovuzzz ambata mo pa my little cousin. Mahihirapan ka magkaboyfriend nyan paglaki mo.

Oh how it runs in the family. I hope you grow up to be a happy faerie, little Jedi.

Johnny Cursive's Wish List

I almost forgot--I have a blog! I shouldn't stop blogging. I've been very busy but I gotta document some stuff from the past couple of weeks so I have something to reread someday.

I got myself an iPad that hasn't left my hands at all. It's perfect for voracious readers. I may have spent around 20K on books the past two or three years but I could have just downloaded them off the internet. How I'll miss the smell of freshly cut paper from brand new novels. I love this gizmo and everything else about it -- the games, the apps, the coolness. I already ticked that off from the list. Next on my list will be an iPhone 4 but that's for next year. HD camera with flash and HD video and plenty of other good stuff in one device? I want. Pero putangina ang mahal. Next year nalang pag mas mura na.

I've been dancing the past few weeks too and it felt great. I like hiphop, tutting and pop and locking. I cannot spin on my head, but I could spin in triple pirouettes ending with a derriere attitude jump like how a man should do it. I credit that to a couple of years in martial arts and a mandatory dance training in high school. I'm heading back to the gym to gain back some of the weight I lost from all the cardio. I probably won't dance like that again until next year. Next item on the wish: a really cool dance gig.

Sidekick and I turned 1 year! It's been an amazing year for the two of us. And it doesn't even feel like we've been together for a year already. Seems like we've only been together for weeks. We have made each other much better individuals like what relationships should do. Next item on the wish: for it to just get better :-)

Pickup Truck and Pickup Lines

I'm an avid reader of Askmen.com and one of the features today was the week's pickup line:

"You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain shortages? Well, I don't even own a car."

I love it. I don't own a car. Family cars don't count. link: Johnny Cursive can't drive

***

I'm looking for a car to replace our '97 Toyota Hilux. It's only parked for most of the week and it's only taken out on Thursdays when it's coding, or when we have to go to the farm. But I don't wanna drive it around the city because it's a manual transmission and I've no more time and patience to learn the stick shift. And it's humongous. I'd prefer to drive something tiny, like a cute compact or hatchback. I can't though; the mother won't sell the truck and give me the proceeds to add to a new car unless I use it to buy another truck or something that serves the same purpose. So I'm looking for something that can be taken to the farm and carry coconuts and at the same time be good enough to take around the city. I can't believe my first car would likely be a monster truck.

Johnny Cheapskate: Burberry and Ralph Lauren Upgrade

I wish I could wear t-shirts to the office; Work requires all my shirts to be collared. Unfortunately, you gotta spend a pretty peso on a really good one.

So I became very happy to find out that I could buy really good Burberry and Ralph Lauren polo shirts at the last place I’d expect to get them—S&R. You’d need a membership to shop, but it’s quite worth it. Obviously there’s not a lot of people going there for pique shirt shopping so you get dibs and a bigger chance that a random manong won’t be wearing the exact same shirt. Everyone already knows that Burberry and Ralph Lauren are of excellent quality and that they look good at the office. The slim fit and the custom fit shirts are perfect. They’re not becklette shirts—they’re pogi shirts. I’ve stocked up on them for work and play, so I might not be wearing my normal plain crew neck shirts as often as I used to. T-shirts still need to be only around 200 bucks, but I allow myself to spend a little bit more for the office.

Burberrys were at less than 800 bucks, Ralph Laurens at less than a thousand. They even still had their Neiman Marcus price tags attached, costing 125 USD originally. My crew necks just got upgraded.

Fagulous (Too Gay?) # 4: Pointy Shoes + Super Skinny Jeans

It's the fabulous way to get bunions.

I did have a pair of slightly pointy shoes back when I was a teenager; I would probably attribute that to my naivety and not my gaiety. Ok maybe just a little bit. 

One thing I've never owned is a pair of jeggings. Those really tight, nut-killing pair of jeans. Pair the pointy shoes with these things and you get half the outfit of Kim Kardashian. Liam Gallagher of Oasis says: “I’m not into the skinny look and pointy shoes. They’re just not on - they’re for girls. I have never worn a pair of pointy shoes in my life and I never will. If you ever see me in a pair, drive over me. That and spray-on jeans”.

There a very small population of men that can pull this look off, i.e:

Johnny Cheapskate: Half-price at Powerbooks

I like to purchase stuff but I hate spending a lot for it. Like a t-shirt should only be 200 bucks. There are certain things I just have to spend for, like books. I know that books can be downloaded or bought from a 2nd hand book store but I prefer my books to be fresh off the oven. I like it smelling of cut paper and fresh ink after I tear off the plastic. Otherwise, I should at least know who the last reader was if it's a borrowed book. American Gods was a book I bought from the garage sale and it smelled like a hint of storage, mold and male stranger. The residual energy was giving me rhinitis.

So I was glad to find out yesterday that i can use my Citibank points to purchase from Powerbooks! Half can be taken out of my points so I only need to pay half. There's this one hardcover (The Black Prism) that I wanted to buy but it's above a thousand bucks; thanks to my Citibank points, I get a 50% discount. I was already planning to cut my Citibank Visa; it's scary to have a 184,000-peso limit. What the heck am I gonna do with that?! But with this Powerbooks promo and the other promo where I get free movie tickets for every 1.5K make me think of keeping this card for another few months.

Also: Carpe Diem means seize the merchandise

“Life is what happens while you’re making plans” is how Kulay, my favorite OPM band of all time, would sing it. Work on a perfect now and tomorrow falls into place is how I like to think about it.

There’s a danger to enrolling in my school of thought though. Isaiah 22:13 quips the existential caution, “Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die” to emphasize the impermanence of life. However, I for instance could sometimes take it differently and simply miss out on the future effect of my current actions. Carpe Diem has evolved a new meaning: seize the merchandise.

Thanks to Horace’s Carpe Diem, I am now a proud owner of a credit card debt that’s probably too big for a 25-year old dude like meself. Get now, pay later, is an American pitfall that I checked out and tripped into. I don’t even like most Americans that much.

 Apparently, this gold card is both my best friend and my worst enemy.