Johnny Parties With Clueless Little Bitches

I went to my friend Paula's birthday last friday at her fab house in Wack Wack. Aside from being friends with her, I make it a point to be at the party because the food is always excellent (they own a chain of restos) and the booze is fantastic (she owns a mobile bar too). She turned 24 and the guests were 21 to 26 year-olds. I felt like I was the only 26 year old there. I was a dinosaur in a sea of college fresh graduates--clueless little bitches.

It was so much fun to watch pretty and insecure little Povedans strut their stuff around and "make agaw your rainbow shots" or "make kwento about my stupid ate who made kuha my Chanel purse" while their eyes dart around the room for cute boys or which girl wore a shorter skirt. And how super unecessary it was for a little cunt to pretend talking on her cellphone while waiting in line behind us for the CR. Bitch I could see your iphone app icons while you're pretend-talking on the phone.

I think inggit lang ako because she had a naive youthfulness, an Iphone 4, and a real live vajayjay.

My favorite clueless bitch of the party was actually a guy. My old friends and new-found friends were all very friendly at the table and around the circular mobile bar, talking about how rad the LSGH homecoming party was, how 2 of the guys on the table are not your typical Xavierians, how there were so many lesbos in St Paul Pasig, etcetera -- all very straight, high school nostalgia conversations. Until one Kundirana boy had found his hand a little low on my back, and then Vic's hip, and then Adren's rib. Hindi ata nakatiis sa dami ng boys around him. He's also offered na sabay na raw kami umihi para hindi masyado mahaba pila. Failing that, he extended his offer of collaborative urination to my friend Adren. And we all thought Kundirana boy was just an average weed-smoking tarantadong Lasalista.

After a couple of hours I asked his kabarkada to muzzle him because he was clearly embarrassing himself. Sayang kasi may itsura siya. He was so clueless. My friends were calling him creepy, and my best friend Martha gave me a concerned look when he found Kundirana's hand on her boyfriend's knee. But of course, I can't help but sympathize. I wish this guy had a faerie godmother to scold his ass that this wasn't the place you act dumb because it's a friggin straight people party. I wanted to tell him that there's a place called Bed or Obar or Sodom and Gomorrah where his antics would have been a little more acceptable.

I think I saw myself in Kundirana boy. That person could've been me, had I been so repressed and without friends who understood. He gave me and my friends a funny anecdote that we'd all talk about for years. Still, my heart goes out to the kid; I could only hope that he's learned the ways of faerieland by the time we all meet again at Paula's birthday party next year.

17 coumouents:

Eternal Wanderer... said...

hayok much si kundi boy? :P

joelmcvie said...

You could have played faire godmother that night, subtly of course.

Or better yet, toss him over to us. We'll do a MAKE-OVER, bwhahaha!

Momel said...

And I wonder what kind of faery godmother, a mentor perhaps, to the poor little faggot who'd want to learn anything from me.

Muahness from Pasig Citehh!

Jaytee said...

wow call me dumb but I didn't know people could be that... clueless?

or like what u said, he's just some repressed guy. geez that could have easily been me

Johnny Cursive said...

@Ternie: Hayok talaga. Feeling ko nga may sayad na ata, wawa naman.

@McVie: Homaygad ikaw na siguro ang mother superior ng mga faerie godmothers, he will be in good hands cgurado ako!

@Momelita: They can learn from your fabulousness syempre! Take me under your wing? :D

@Jaytee: i know right?! Glad we're not! Baka pulutin nalang tayo sa bangketa

Mu[g]en said...

Glad I wasn't there. I don't want to be the pulis pangkalawakan of the night. Loolz.

Pero wait, I remember during the last socialite party I attended, I was a drunk snob who brushed off someone's invitation to go home with him.

And in another party... well... the Fabcasters bore witness to my unbecoming.

I therefore conclude, the amazona of encantadia had two faces. Lol.

Marhk said...

hoy laman tiyan din yun hahaha

Johnny Cursive said...

@Mugen: At dahil jan!!! wala lang. Hahaha. Pano ka naging unbecoming??

@Marhk: Homaygad nakakaloka ka talaga! dapat pala pinakilala ko nalang sayo para hindi nasayang lolz

Mu[g]en said...

Ask your sidekick how was I when we both went clubbing before you came.

Nishiboy said...

meh, i used to be more of a mess than i am now so i kinda feel for the poor bloke. i wish i had a fairy godmother then too.

Yj said...

omg... bakit wala akong nakakadaupang palad na ganyang boylet?

Herbs D. said...

Lol. He's Deffo not lasallian.
I'm quite sure they teach poshness in our Ordev classes lol

Vajarl said...

Kung saken nagpakita ng kahayukan yang batang yan eh baka nagparty pa kame to the left to the left. Hihi.

And this is the first time I've heard about places like Obar, Sodom, all of those you mentioned. Probably explains why I never get laid. Fuck, I hung out with the wrong crowd.

Hello Johnny Cursive. :)

Johnny Cursive said...

@Yj: Hahaha at baket ka naman naghahanap ng ganyang boylet aber? :P

@Herbs: He's deffo lasallian. Hehe LSGH and then DLSU :) it's not the lack of Ordev; it's the fact he's from LSGH. LOL

@Hi Vajarl! Thanks for dropping by! Well Bed and Obar are the only legit ones; i alluded to the biblical Sodom & Gomorrah so wag ka pupunta dun hekhekhek

Nhil said...

"Clueless bitch". I like that one.

I don't know how I'll see young people when I age a little bit more but right now, I enjoy all the plastic, superficial, mindless youth I party with.

Great post, by the way.

Yj said...

para ako yung landiin niya, for a change...

hindi yung ako nalang nanlalandi lage hahahahahaha

yaiy

Johnny Cursive said...

@nhil: thanks! Yes, enjoyin mo lang yan! I really did enjoy thise times too =)

@yj: tamaaaa!! Para haba hair =p