Derek Ramsey's used jeans are up for auction

I have been on a hiatus from this blog for a while. I've been tremendously busy the past couple of months for a few reasons:
  • I volunteered to transfer to a different department in the same position while being interviewed for promotions which I haven't gotten yet.
  • I've just started an online store selling protein shakes and made a website too. Boy does that take a while to get off the ground.
  • I've been spending a lot more time with my HS friends which is always a good thing.
  • And a host of other things.

Since I've began online store, I've been on Ebay quite a lot and found that Derek Ramsey's used jeans are for auction, among other celebrity items, for charity. I'm sure those jeans have been washed already, for those who might be a little stalker-ish. I'm not a big fan of the dude, but like Jude Law, I am his twin who is less attractive less famous. Charot lang!

As of 12:53PM today the highest bid is 800 bucks. Bidding ends in 4 days. Oxygen ain't my style but it is for a good cause. Link to the auction here.

They are also selling Manny Pacquio's autographed used boxing robe (highest bid as of this time is around 5k pesos), but I'm not sure how that will sell to the baklitas. I definitely wish that Manny's robe has been washed and boiled before it was auctioned. But if Derek's jeans haven't been washed, they might fetch a higher price, lolz.

Johnny Parties With Clueless Little Bitches

I went to my friend Paula's birthday last friday at her fab house in Wack Wack. Aside from being friends with her, I make it a point to be at the party because the food is always excellent (they own a chain of restos) and the booze is fantastic (she owns a mobile bar too). She turned 24 and the guests were 21 to 26 year-olds. I felt like I was the only 26 year old there. I was a dinosaur in a sea of college fresh graduates--clueless little bitches.

It was so much fun to watch pretty and insecure little Povedans strut their stuff around and "make agaw your rainbow shots" or "make kwento about my stupid ate who made kuha my Chanel purse" while their eyes dart around the room for cute boys or which girl wore a shorter skirt. And how super unecessary it was for a little cunt to pretend talking on her cellphone while waiting in line behind us for the CR. Bitch I could see your iphone app icons while you're pretend-talking on the phone.

I think inggit lang ako because she had a naive youthfulness, an Iphone 4, and a real live vajayjay.

My favorite clueless bitch of the party was actually a guy. My old friends and new-found friends were all very friendly at the table and around the circular mobile bar, talking about how rad the LSGH homecoming party was, how 2 of the guys on the table are not your typical Xavierians, how there were so many lesbos in St Paul Pasig, etcetera -- all very straight, high school nostalgia conversations. Until one Kundirana boy had found his hand a little low on my back, and then Vic's hip, and then Adren's rib. Hindi ata nakatiis sa dami ng boys around him. He's also offered na sabay na raw kami umihi para hindi masyado mahaba pila. Failing that, he extended his offer of collaborative urination to my friend Adren. And we all thought Kundirana boy was just an average weed-smoking tarantadong Lasalista.

After a couple of hours I asked his kabarkada to muzzle him because he was clearly embarrassing himself. Sayang kasi may itsura siya. He was so clueless. My friends were calling him creepy, and my best friend Martha gave me a concerned look when he found Kundirana's hand on her boyfriend's knee. But of course, I can't help but sympathize. I wish this guy had a faerie godmother to scold his ass that this wasn't the place you act dumb because it's a friggin straight people party. I wanted to tell him that there's a place called Bed or Obar or Sodom and Gomorrah where his antics would have been a little more acceptable.

I think I saw myself in Kundirana boy. That person could've been me, had I been so repressed and without friends who understood. He gave me and my friends a funny anecdote that we'd all talk about for years. Still, my heart goes out to the kid; I could only hope that he's learned the ways of faerieland by the time we all meet again at Paula's birthday party next year.

Currently on my Bedside Table

I'm almost done with Passage to Dawn, the 10th and book of the Legend of Drizzt and I almost got sad that I'm about to leave this world that I escape into every night. I thought this was the last book of the series, but then I researched online and it turns out there's at least another 10 more books on Drizzt that I could devour. It made me a very happy geek.

Drizzt is a dark elf and he's my idol. Also, I'm crushing on his friend Wulfgar:

He's the sexiest barbarian in the world. Scandinavian swashbuckling beauty; he reminds me of Pavel Novotny.

It's the 10th book I've read on my iPad and reading from the device has been a pleasure -- I don't need to find the best lighting, I could take my library anywhere, I don't have to worry about lost bookmarks, and I honestly found that I've been reading more than I used to. But like I always say, nothing beats the smell of ink and freshly cut paper. I can definitely see myself purchasing the actual books eventually for posterity. A person's bookshelf can say a lot about a person, and I would like to have a bookshelf with items I've read. Pity if most I've read are softcopies downloaded from torrent for free.

I'm wondering if I should take a break from his world and try reading a different one. I could read Anansi Boys. I could also wait for the release of The Wise Man's Fear in March which I've been waiting for since 2008:

I could take a break from reading downloaded material and grab a hardbound copy of Patrick Rothfuss' second novel. Some books are worth the purchase. I called Fully Booked today and they confirmed that they've already placed orders on the book. I should be able to get a copy next month. My sidekick gave me a Fully Booked gift card last Christmas and I'll definitely use it on this book. I am super excited. None of my friends (except for my lady friend who's also into these books) could relate to my excitement. But that's fine; true luxury happens when something of quality is enjoyed personally and not overtly--like the silken lining of a fine suit, a private island, or a good book.

Ugly Duckling

I've started a new workout program last week and I can't wait to see how everything turns out after a couple of months. After I had a 2-month hiatus from the gym in November and December, I lost about 12 pounds. For some, that's a good thing; for myself and many others, it ain't cool. I'm one of those guys who lose weight when they stop lifting and 12 pounds of mass lost is a big deal.

I've always been the among the skinniest in the batch, growing up. And we're no small batch -- more than 400 students per grade level. I only started getting meat on my bones in college, and it was a struggle. I wouldn't stop eating until I gagged. If I had boobs and ovaries I'd probably be fine being a skinny bitch, but as a guy, being skinny can be emasculating. I'm a faerie but I still like being a dude. And coincidentally, when I was at my skinniest, I was also at the darkest times of my life. My family and everything else was a mess. So of course seeing myself lose weight exhumes some of the shit and I've associated weight loss with that phase. I was 5'9 130lbs and stick thin with a square jaw so I looked like Skeletor. That's why now I like being within what I call my "happy weight", which is above 160lbs. When I hit 155lbs 2 weeks ago, I resolved to gain back the weight before it goes out of control again.

I drew how I saw myself a long time ago. Baklitang payatot.
Syempre kelangan may dede :-P
I found a great program specifically for my body type and it has to be the easiest program I've done. It's 3 times a week, 45 minutes max per session, and already I've gained 5lbs in less than 2 weeks. I'll strive to be consistent and I hope to surprise myself in 8 weeks. Wow rereading this paragraph makes me feel like such a shallow asshole but I'm a generally nice guy so I cut myself some slack.

That's my ugly duckling syndrome right there. When I was 15 and in my barong, someone mistook me for my mom's 27 year-old secretary's husband. Even my mom said, "matulog ka na ampanget mo na" when Diablo II kept me up late. My good friends snickered across the room about a new haircut and said I looked like a pasyente. Those were enough to bury my self-esteem and fossilize it. I keep this fossil as a paperweight on my desk where I can see it everyday.

Everybody feels bad about themselves from time to time; some people whine about it, some people make money out of it. Some people project their insecurities and start hating on others as much as they truly hate themselves. Some people acknowledge it and work on it. I am definitely a work in progress.

Ayoko maging swan. Gusto ko maging Pink Flamingo balang araw. Chika lang

Life's Question #3: Double Streaming Piss

It used to be one of my questions, this double streaming piss. A friend of mine verbalized it in Facebook today though, and I was nothing short of amused at the little discussion. Transcript below:

Robi's status:
Why is it when guys piss, sometimes it's two streams?

Juan Carlos: HAHAHAHA
12 hours ago · Like

Mark: Thats called a shot gun....double
12 hours ago · Like

Christian: dude, what kinda of a question is that? :)
12 hours ago · Like

Robi: Dude, shotgun spray is so not what it should do. I hate it when the streams are so far apart that you end up urinating on both sides of the toilet seat. Annoying! I mean what is a penis for if you can't aim properly damnit!
12 hours ago · Like

Ike: Small observation, American men seem to lift the toilet seat up to piss more than Pinoys. I'm I wrong, and if so, why is that?
12 hours ago · Like

Christian: what it is for? primarily to shag, then to piss.
12 hours ago · Like

Robi: ‎@Christian: Haven't you ever wondered? It's like one of the great mysteries of life.
12 hours ago · Like

Christian: ike: cuz we dont care about the next person even if he has to sit on it. :)
12 hours ago · Like

John Joe: after sex pee. Watch "Me, Myself & Irene" morning after scene
12 hours ago · Like

Robi: ‎@JJ: haha I remember that scene. Thing is It's not just after sex, it happens randomly. WHY?!!!
12 hours ago · Like

Robi: ‎@Ike: haha I do lift the seat up always and it's all because of the double streaming.
12 hours ago · Like

Ike: Robi, to answer your question, during urination two streams of urine may be obvious — one coming from the urethral opening and the other from the site of the abnormal opening (fistula).
12 hours ago · Like

Christian: double-streamer! why do one if you can do 2? right?! :)
12 hours ago · Like

Robi: Someone should make a wide toilet bowl for double-streamers.
12 hours ago · Like

Christian: ‎"double-streaming-toilet, with auto-cover-lifting-button or sensor"
12 hours ago · Like

Robi: No wait, I have a better more economical idea! A pissing funnel!
12 hours ago · Like ·  1 person

Christian: ‎... and "butt-hole bio-metrics" for easy auto-user-setting-customization"
12 hours ago · Like ·  1 person

Robi: Patent it! We'll make millions!
12 hours ago · Like

Robi: ‎@Ike: Thanks for the explanation, now I can go to sleep at night and will not suffer the fear and anticipation of double-streaming whenever I take a leak.
12 hours ago · Like

Ike: Peeing should be easy, if its painful or if you feel blockage you may have a UTI or kidney stones. Not fun.
11 hours ago · Like

Robi: I want to patent urine accessories like the Pissing Funnel (for double-streamers), a Pissing Scope (that you attach to your pecker for better aim), and a Pissilencer (still working on this idea)
11 hours ago · Like ·  3 people

Robi: ‎@Ike: thankfully no pain, just remorse when things get messy.
11 hours ago · Like

Natasha: Robi, You crack me up!!! When are you coming to visit?
11 hours ago · Like

Marlo: Time to get a haircut?
10 hours ago · Like

Gino: please come to market already with these products! it's about time! another similar problem: peeing with a hard-on, and what's worse, double-streaming with a hard-on
10 hours ago · Like ·  1 person

Franco: Oh my god, Rob and Chris, I can't believe you don't know the answer to this question. Really? Really?
10 hours ago · Like

Franco: There you go... JJ got it.
10 hours ago · Like

Robi: ‎@Franco: Dude, it happens more often than the morning after sex. One time, I had 3 streams. Messed up, right? I mean, maybe I have a mutant penis or something.
9 hours ago · Like

Franco: ‎3 streams?? Holy fuck, that's one wide penis hole! Your penis hole might actually be the size of an infant's vagina.
9 hours ago · Like

Tim: The trick is make your little soldier your puppet before going and make it say AAAAHHH nice and wide before you pee. Barring that, you might have a little gallstone lodged at the tip.
9 hours ago · Like

Johnny: Yep one of my life's questions too. I think u forgot to clean up el jizzo again lol
9 hours ago · Like

Robi: ‎@Timito: haha Or maybe it's just dried up jizz that causes it to spray like that. Who knows? Kinda reminds me of those upgrades you get in those 16-bit shoot-em-up games from the 90s. Mom, I hope you're not reading this.
9 hours ago · Like

Robi: ‎@Johnny: Green minds think alike!
9 hours ago · Like

Tim: It's exactly that, rob! but you said it happens more often than after sex, which either means you don't wash up and keep your snake jizzed up all day, or you have a problem. ;P
9 hours ago · Like

Robi: ‎@Franco: Thanks for the image man. It's been seared into my mind forever.
9 hours ago · Like

Robi: If word starts to spread that I have a mutant penis, that's fine by me. Just don't give details. "Mutant Penis" should be enough information.
9 hours ago · Like

Robi: ‎@Timito: I practice good hygiene kaya! Nababara lang siguro minsan.
9 hours ago · Like

Winner: coz there's a pube stuck in the eye of the penis
8 hours ago · Like

Robi: ‎@Winner: It's like somebody's placing a small, invisible finger at the opening in a "sssh" manner so that when you urinate, it separates into 2 streams or as I affectionately call the phenomenon, "The Victoria Court Logo Effect".

Johnny Cursive =/= Jude Law

Back in college, my pretty classmate from social anthropology approached me and told me that I looked like Jude Law. Say what? Shut up bitch I don't fuck the yaya. A couple of years later, when I was on my first job, my flirty gay officemate told me that I looked like Jude Law too. Fast forward two years to a couple of hours ago and one of the staff told me to continue growing my hair out so I could look like Jude Law. I think the moon shines brightly enough every two years to make the minority think that I could remotely resemble Mr. Law. I told a friend of mine what those few people said and I got a laugh and accidental spittle on my face; I know, right?! I’m not sure how I should take it – I mean, come on – Jude Law is a highly successful Hollywood actor and that can only mean that I am his barely there nice try third world panget version a worse actor.

I remember Pokwang saying in an interview some time ago that an American mistook her for Lucy Liu. Pokwang is Pinay and Lucy Liu is a Hollywood actress. Jude Law is a Hollywood actor. Under these guiding principles of analogy, ako si Pokwang with a functioning dick.

Introducing Sebastian: Johnny gets his Pussy

Let me introduce my new baby: Sebastian Petrovsky. My mom finds the name a mouthful so she calls him Chivas. Sidekick calls him Bingles. Kitty thankfully doesn't get all too confused with all his names.

It's my sweetest little monster. Lilac lynx-point himalayan kitty @ 3 months old

It's about time; I've been trying to get one since March 2010. I couldn't though, because I was then set to go on a month-long Irish trip, then after that my dachshund got impregnated by my neighbor's schnauzer and a new puppy meant that there wasn't any room for a cat anymore.

I love animals. Ako na. Ako na si Tarzan. Ako na si Jane.
Mga Sampung beses ko rin napagparausan to nung
bagets pa ko.
But in our province, on the day before New Year, my mom killed my puppy by accident. She forgot that the little thing just had his shots and musn't be bathed for a week. She asked someone to give puppy a shower to take the stink out and it spelled death for the little one. Devastated, I headed back to Manila to spend New Year's day with sidekick instead.

My mom got guilty but I didn't blame her. She gave me the go-signal to get a cat, especially after a little mouse freaked her out the week before (Actually ako ata ung na-freak out, kaderder naman kasi). I spent a week looking for the right kitty and my sidekick helped drive me around manila to get the feline and his supplies.

My good friend K saw a picture and Sebastian at nainggit sya, bibilihin na raw nya ung kapatid nung pusa. Ewan ko, feeling ko felines just have a natural affinity to faeries.

How I Know I'm Gay #3: Church Edition

I wasn't trying to be blasphemous or anything. I'm a pretty good practicing Catholic for a 26 year-old faerie. But yesterday when I went to church alone, while I wasn't fully focused on the mass, I absent-mindedly mumbled the prayers: "Panginoon, hindi ako karapat-dapat na magpatuloy sa iyo...ngunit sa isang salita mo lamang ay gagaling na aketch." Halos tumambling ako sa kinaluluhuran ko ampotahh.

My next prayer was me wishing that I didn't pray that loud enough. My faggotry just got confirmed in Church.