Johnny keeps Straight People in his Closet

Being out to my best friends who happen to be a straight couple has a completely different set of dynamics on its own. For closeted guys, it’s usually either you’re completely closeted from your straight friends or you’ve come out and then the friendship isn’t the same anymore. Sometimes a faerie will be lucky and he will have straight friends who remain loyal post-outing.
I love Adren. He’s my straight guy friend and he loves me back in a brusque brotherly fashion while his girlfriend Martha is my straight girl best friend who treats me like the sister she never had. Ironically, with his tisoy features, body-consciousness and luxurious lashes he'd look better as the gay guy among us. Even after I’ve come out to Adren, we still share the same interest with girls although his fondness for females is sexual while mine is (very) distant outside-looking-in and clinically objective. He still enjoys sharing his beerhouse anecdotes like he was sharing it to a frat brother, as he always did, but to me it sounds like the Na’vi explaining their mating rituals. On a good day I could make it sound like fax tone.

Nightcrawler snogs Cerise. Drawn on a random day ages ago.

I find it extremely thoughtful that he made the effort to go back to our old Philosophy lessons on Foucault’s “History of Sexuality” with its articles on sexual fluidity to convince me that my gayness is but an anomalous falling from grace.  I could almost blog about his personal discourse on the topic but I refuse to (meaning: I can’t). He is as intelligent as he is stubborn. One fine day when I felt especially annoyed, I brought up the topic of the fluidity of sexuality and declared how he might factually enjoy sucking cock in 2010. That ended his lecture.
Adren is, like friends should be, brutally honest. And I especially value this honesty because in my situation it is not easy to have a very close straight guy friend who will give you his truth. What could be very true, and very sad, is one thing that he told me a couple of weeks ago over a bucket of beer: “…but we’re never going to be 100% O.K. with the idea that you’re gay.” Inside my signature tipsy smirk was my voice getting caught in my throat. It is painfully true. That’s why he always invites me to see dancing naked Na’vi boobies in hopes of converting me. Or why he’d bring up the topic of how great it might be to make tiny baby Johnny Cursives. Or get very academic and appeal to my geekier side with Foucaultian philosophy. But the beer bottle I share with them is half full, not half-empty. Apparently it also never gets empty. They are still my friends, and the dynamics of a closeted gay guy being best friends with a straight couple is their struggle as much as it is mine. I didn’t come out of the closet to them; I’ve invited them over to mine. And it’s a hot, cramped closet with the smell of moth balls. It’s also very pink. Hot pink.

18 coumouents:

wanderingcommuter said...

ahh. we can blame it all to foucalt and what his face? yeah, freud...

i guess, change is inevitable after coming out to significant others. but it should always be for the better. if change leans on the opposite then someone has to prove it or someone muss the entire point of what friendship really is.

Eternal Wanderer... said...

i walked out once from my straight barkada when one of them said something about being gay that didn't quite sit well with me.

i said firmly (ead: almost screamed) "GROW UP," and left in a huff.

the grow-up thing became a running joke for several years, but never did they utter anything ofensive after that.


engel said...

my straight barkada's okay with me when i came out to them.they were surprised because i lived with them for awhile, and didn't have a hint of what i actually am.

fortunately, nothing changed after. there are awkward moments sometimes, yes. but i guess to them it doesn't really matter because i'm still the guy they befriended a few years ago. it's only my preference that's changed and nothing else.

rudeboy said...

"On a good day I could make it sound like fax tone."


I live in a glass closet - sometimes it's clear, sometimes it's frosted. I don't normally tune out my straight buds' stories about girls; I guess I enjoy a morbid fascination with the bizarre (read: male-on-female stuff)

As for "sexual fluidity," I got a whole other load of sexual fluids for barkadas who crack snarkily about sexuality. Fortunately and surprisingly, I haven't come across a male kabarkada who's made any nasty comment about gay guys yet.

Lucky Me Pansex Kan*ot.

Galen said...

When I get to hang around with my straight guy friends (which happens once every year) who knows about my
sexuality. I drop any thoughts and values of gayness and stick with them like no sexual preference draws the line among our ancient kinship.

Anonymous said...

pano ba tumira sa hot pink closet, with the smell of ano nga ulet ? mot mot balls?...

RD (encanto)

Johnny Cursive said...

@ wanderingcommuter: I totally agree; things have gotten better for the most part and I'm thankful for that.

@ enternal wanderer: nyahahaha! if i did that malamang running joke din sa akin yan LOL. I can't imagine you walking out like that though. You'd probably be the last person to walk out from a room, yeah? hahaha

@ engel: glad to hear another success story. hehe. I know someone who wasn't so lucky with coming out to their straight friends. But then again, he shouldn't have come out in college via posting "i'm gay" in the friendster bulletin and filling it with inappropriate details. Hehe. Someone has to write a how-to guide for the little faeries.

@rudeboy: you sure your closet isn't the steam room? hehehe!

@Galen: "stick with them like no sexual preference draws the line among our ancient kinship" -- absofreakinlutely. Plus it's not like you've started wearing baby tees and fuki shorts anyway. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but surely that might draw the line easily hehe

encanto RD: pano tumira sa hot pink closet? parang rapunzel sa tore. hehe.

wanderingcommuter said...


hindi ko ata kaya yung prinopropose mo. masyado kang magaling, maiinsecure lang ako the entire time pagnagkataon!

Johnny Cursive said...

wanderingcommuter: nyak! kurutin kita sa utong jan eh

Maxwell Flux said...

i haven't invited my straight male friends to my closet yet. though i invited 2 girls and it turns out, 1 of the 2 has a walk in closet as well, haha.

maybe in time. i still have a lot of figuring out to do.

and also, i like the nightcrawler drawing. :D

wanderingcommuter said...

awts! kinky! hahahaha

funny ng anti-spam veri mo: testica

mas kinky! hahaha

citybuoy said...

as usual, ang galing nanaman ng drawing mo.

anyway, i'm glad you see the bottle half-full. i guess i'm pretty blessed in the sense na most of my friends are open minded. paminsan minsan though, may hints na parang hmmm... that's not very nice. but what can we do? kanya kanyang respetuhan nalang. sabi mo nga, their struggle is my struggle too.

iurico said...

One of my resolutions this 2010 is to "out" myself to my straight friends. And really, napagisip isip ko, i couldn't care less anymore if they accept me or not.

And if they don't, I'll scream at them Ternie-like "grow-up!" hahahaha

Mr. Pink Tie said...

Fortunately, the people (straight ones) that I've come out to have been very accepting (only came out this year). They just have lots of questions about this kind of lifestyle.

By the way, love the drawings :)

Jepoy said...

human nature. kaya ako. closet muna. dun muna ako magdedream, believe and try to survive.


Trip said...

surprisingly, i did not came out to any of my straight friends. dont ask me why, you'll even be surprised by my answer. hahaha

thanks for dropping by my blog. ;)

Andrei said...

glad to hear your story.

makes me wonder how to divulge into the closet issues myself.

oh, well.

soltero said...

coming out to my bestfriends ,who i really trust to keep my secret had salvaged my (in)sanity. at first they thought i was really joking... now,pag me nakita akong chinito na cute, i can whisper to them "shit ang gwapo nung guy" and make them giggle..
ang sakit sa dibdib pag sinarili mo ang nararamdaman mo...