I've started a new workout program last week and I can't wait to see how everything turns out after a couple of months. After I had a 2-month hiatus from the gym in November and December, I lost about 12 pounds. For some, that's a good thing; for myself and many others, it ain't cool. I'm one of those guys who lose weight when they stop lifting and 12 pounds of mass lost is a big deal.
I've always been the among the skinniest in the batch, growing up. And we're no small batch -- more than 400 students per grade level. I only started getting meat on my bones in college, and it was a struggle. I wouldn't stop eating until I gagged. If I had boobs and ovaries I'd probably be fine being a skinny bitch, but as a guy, being skinny can be emasculating. I'm a faerie but I still like being a dude. And coincidentally, when I was at my skinniest, I was also at the darkest times of my life. My family and everything else was a mess. So of course seeing myself lose weight exhumes some of the shit and I've associated weight loss with that phase. I was 5'9 130lbs and stick thin with a square jaw so I looked like Skeletor. That's why now I like being within what I call my "happy weight", which is above 160lbs. When I hit 155lbs 2 weeks ago, I resolved to gain back the weight before it goes out of control again.
I found a great program specifically for my body type and it has to be the easiest program I've done. It's 3 times a week, 45 minutes max per session, and already I've gained 5lbs in less than 2 weeks. I'll strive to be consistent and I hope to surprise myself in 8 weeks. Wow rereading this paragraph makes me feel like such a shallow asshole but I'm a generally nice guy so I cut myself some slack.
That's my ugly duckling syndrome right there. When I was 15 and in my barong, someone mistook me for my mom's 27 year-old secretary's husband. Even my mom said, "matulog ka na ampanget mo na" when Diablo II kept me up late. My good friends snickered across the room about a new haircut and said I looked like a pasyente. Those were enough to bury my self-esteem and fossilize it. I keep this fossil as a paperweight on my desk where I can see it everyday.
Everybody feels bad about themselves from time to time; some people whine about it, some people make money out of it. Some people project their insecurities and start hating on others as much as they truly hate themselves. Some people acknowledge it and work on it. I am definitely a work in progress.
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| I drew how I saw myself a long time ago. Baklitang payatot. Syempre kelangan may dede :-P |
That's my ugly duckling syndrome right there. When I was 15 and in my barong, someone mistook me for my mom's 27 year-old secretary's husband. Even my mom said, "matulog ka na ampanget mo na" when Diablo II kept me up late. My good friends snickered across the room about a new haircut and said I looked like a pasyente. Those were enough to bury my self-esteem and fossilize it. I keep this fossil as a paperweight on my desk where I can see it everyday.
Everybody feels bad about themselves from time to time; some people whine about it, some people make money out of it. Some people project their insecurities and start hating on others as much as they truly hate themselves. Some people acknowledge it and work on it. I am definitely a work in progress.
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| Ayoko maging swan. Gusto ko maging Pink Flamingo balang araw. Chika lang |
